I was walking with my dog Pie the other day and there is a stretch by the water where I can take her off-leash. As soon as I unclipped her, I received a text from a client that required immediate attention. Completely immersed in my phone, a few minutes later, I heard a scream, “clean up your dog’s mess!”
As soon as I took my eye off the ball, Pie did her business.
I completely get why anyone would get pissed off when a dog owner doesn’t act responsibly. Totally fair. But the funny thing, I had poop bags exploding from my pockets for all to see. I still got the scornful look and a shameful-induced reaction.
So I said: “Thanks for pointing it out. You can see, I have bags galore. Shaming isn’t necessary.” The person must have been surprised by my comment. Then said, “Your dog is so cute.”
The art of humiliating and shaming others is at an all-time high. Bashing celebrities, music icons, political rivals, leaders of all kinds, you name it. It’s all over the news and social media, every single day.
Let’s break it down.
Shaming is s way of gaining power over others. It’s a way to feel in control. It’s judgment on steroids and its purpose is to modify behavior and keep people in their place. When a shamer points the finger, they feel greater than and feel good about themselves.
Business is hard these days. Revenue expectations and profitability goals are through the roof, companies are pivoting, some are faltering, and investors are aiming to acquire for pennies on the dollar. In addition, there is a disconnect between the values of the old guard and what the new guard of employees value and want from their jobs. Gen Z’s value autonomy, flexibility, purposeful work and work-life balance.
Clearly, the old model of wringing out as much as you can from employees is dead. Yet as a CEO or executive, the pressure to generate results while balancing the needs of your employees can be tricky, especially when delivering constructive feedback.
There are subtle ways providing feedback can come across as shaming. Before providing any, be clear on your intention and the specific results you want from the conversation. Script out your message, be clear, always start with a positive and look for positive outcomes.
To create a highly productive team and organization, focus on your people’s strengths, understand what they value, empower them so they feel motivated and inspired to make their biggest contribution.
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- My signature leadership program: Authenticity, Purpose, Impact
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