by Amy Matthews | Sep 17, 2017 | Mindset |
This blog is about Divorce. Full disclosure, I am far from a divorce expert. Though I haven’t gone through one myself, some of my dearest friends and exes have, which has afforded me an intimate understanding of what people go through.
This goes without saying: divorce is emotionally painful for everyone involved. The process requires going through the loss of what was – just like grieving anything in which you truly are invested.. It requires feeling tough emotions like sadness, anger, regret and shame, to name just a few. It’s important to process your thoughts and feelings, take responsibility for your part in it, mourn the loss of the marriage, and over time, eventually let go.
If I had married in my 20’s or 30’s, there’s a good chance I would have been divorced by now. The reason is that just like you, I am a very different person now than I was then.
I’d like you to consider this:
What if you could look at your divorce as a death or a shedding of a part of YOU who once was, and truly embrace the years you had with your ex and all you created together? What if you could acknowledge that the person you married, no matter how much you love them, doesn’t serve you NOW in who you’ve become?
Of course it is easier said than done, but if you can look at it this way, even for a moment, perhaps you could better cherish, respect, and remember the joys you’ve known with them.
If you would like to put your past behind you, I can help you break free and move forward. Check out my coaching packages HERE.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 11, 2017 | Business |
I’ve had several clients going through a career transition and have asked me to help them prepare for job interviews. As a recruiter and coach, I’d like to share my Top 5 Tips. If you put time and energy into preparing upfront, you’ll have an amazing outcome. I promise.
#1 Do Your Research
This, of course, goes without saying. Research the company, its products, revenues, business model, overall market, its competitors, and the background of each person you’ll be meeting with. Find out if you know anyone in your LinkedIn network who is connected to the person with whom you’ll be interviewing and get the scoop. If you’re working with a recruiter, ask them to brief you on the personality of each person. Do your homework and spend at least 3 times the amount of time of the actual interview preparing for it. If your initial interview is an hour, prepare for at least three hours. You may even want to role play with a willing friend or partner.
#2 Be Ready
Get a good night’s sleep so you’re refreshed for your interview. The morning of the interview, do something that puts you in a positive mood and gets you focused. Get out of your head and into your body: whatever that means for you. It might be going for a run or walk, taking a spin or yoga class, or meditating. Your intention is to be ready for anything, grounded and present. It’s time to get into the interview zone.
#3 Be Authentic
Be YOU. Not who you think the person across the table wants you to be. Be confident with yourself and who you really are, what you can do for the company, and develop a connection with the interviewer. Nothing is more refreshing than meeting someone who is comfortable in their own skin! It helps build instant rapport and trust. This goes without saying too. Be engaging, intelligent, curious and genuinely excited about the opportunity. Authentic passion sells.
#4 Relax and Have Fun!
If you tend to get nervous in an interview, remind yourself to enjoy it. It’s a process of getting to know someone, so let go and take the pressure off yourself. If you’re asked a question and you don’t know the answer, don’t worry, keep your composure, don’t miss a beat and keep going. I have a client who always asks the same question to candidates he interviews. Without revealing his question, it’s a complicated problem solver with no right answer. He asks it because he wants to find out how a candidate handles himself/herself under pressure. One interviewee got very angry and blew up at him — clearly, he didn’t get the job!
#5 Don’t Think “I Gotta Have this Job!”.
Though the position may sound like a dream job; keep an open mind, especially during the first interview. Think of it as a first date. The interview process is as much an opportunity for you to decide if the job is right for you as it is for the person and company you’re interviewing with. Try not to be overeager – until you know more. We all remember a first date when the guy/girl was too into you, right? Your goal, ultimately, is for the position to be a great fit for your skills and experience. You want to love the company and its culture and most importantly, you want to like and respect the people with whom you’ll be working. If the job is meant for you, it will be. Remember, you are super talented and you certainly don’t want a job that’s not right and doesn’t want you.
If you are struggling with a specific career transition, I can help. Sign up for your free 20 minute coaching session HERE.
by Amy Matthews | Sep 4, 2017 | In-Power, Inspiration |
This blog is about heartbreak. Everyone has had at least one broken heart in their life if they’ve been lucky enough to love deeply. I’ve certainly had mine.
Here’s a story I’d like to share with you:
A few years ago, I went through a painful breakup. We really loved each other, were attracted to each other in many ways, had a ton of fun, traveled together, and developed a good friendship to boot. After having dated for over two years, I initiated the “relationship” conversation. Uh oh – you probably guessed it. He said he wanted to keep things as they were and didn’t want more commitment, and I thought I did.
Three months after that initial talk, we had what I have termed “The One Minute Break Up”. It literally took only 60 seconds to end the relationship. I was surprised and hurt. It happened so quickly, it took me awhile to realize we broke up! If I’m truly honest, I had expectations for something more and my emotions got in the way. I felt rejected and not wanted. The truth is, at the time, I couldn’t accept that we wanted different things.
Looking back, even though the way it ended wasn’t ideal, it was a blessing in disguise. I realized I wasn’t getting what I needed from the relationship. For the first time in my life, I put myself first and asked “What do I really want?” I started to reclaim myself and began making choices based on what brings me greater joy and freedom. Through the process, Woman UnRuled came to life. I am forever grateful. The phoenix always rises!
What I know for sure is that the next man I attract will be very different from the last — because I’ve changed and am a different woman. If you are suffering from heartbreak, don’t forget that things in life do happen for a reason, and always work out for the best.
For more rule breaking inspiration about relationships, check out Woman UnRuled: Empowering Articles for Women. HERE.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 29, 2017 | Business, In-Power |
As a career and life-freedom coach, I often have people ask me for help when they are negotiating job offers. No matter what age and how much experience, I have found a common theme. Woman, no matter how confident and accomplished they are, have a tough time asking for what they want in a salary negotiation.
Here are recent examples of women I have worked with:
- A 29 year old woman negotiating with a very cool, hip, fashion and lifestyle start-up
- A woman in her 40’s negotiating for her dream job with an up and coming consumer products company
- A highly experienced 50+ year old woman negotiating with a management consultant firm
Each of these three women is well educated, extremely smart, articulate, professional and accomplished in their own right. Before they got a formal offer, they did their homework on salary ranges and relative comps for the position they were seeking in their respective industries. Once they had a formal offer in hand, the salary offered was lower than what their research had shown.
I had a similar conversation with each woman even though their specific situation was unique to them. “Once you have an offer in hand, undoubtedly, this is your most powerful position during the interview process. Remember, They Want You – You are the Prize. Ask for What You Want. Ask for What You Are Worth. Ask for What You Deserve. If You Don’t Ask, You Won’t Know. Now, a caveat. I’m not suggesting you take out your Wonder Woman sword and go into battle. Think of your negotiation as a conversation. Be clear in your communication, connected and cordial.”
I’ve worked in executive search with hundreds of candidates. It’s been my experience, once a man enters into salary negotiations, he has no hesitation asking for the compensation he wants and thinks he deserves. So why is it difficult for a woman to ask for what she wants? I think most women, while growing up, aren’t taught to embrace their self worth, especially in a professional, career sense, like men are taught. Women feel apprehensive about negotiating because they don’t want to be seen as aggressive. As we all know, society and the media don’t know how to handle forceful women. Even with all the powerful, accomplished women in the world today, there’s still a long way to go.
Learning to negotiate and asking for what you want is a skill that any person, man, woman or child, can learn and perfect. You just need to try. It may be uncomfortable or even scary the first time you negotiate and ask for your value. If you get an answer that is less than optimal, pause. Perhaps, propose a creative solution that can work for you AND your soon to be employer. Once you understand the art of it and start getting the results you want, it will be smooth sailing ahead.
If you’d like to learn how to negotiation effectively in your career, I can help. Check out my coaching packages and sign up for your free 30 minute coaching session here.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 22, 2017 | Mindset |
I strongly believe it all starts with our thoughts. If we tell ourselves positive things, we will be happier, more productive, feel energized and feel good about ourselves. And in turn, we will have an optimistic outlook on life and those we share it with. If you actually start listening to what you’re thinking, you’ll know whether you are generating positive and abundant thoughts or critical, angry or anxious thoughts. Tune in and start listening. It is important to choose our words and the tone in which we say them. We often don’t realize how powerful we are and that our words, whether positive or negative, have a huge impact on other people.
As I write this blog, I am reminded of this quote:
“Take care of your thoughts when you are alone, and take care of your words when you are with people.”
Here’s a story I’d like to share with you. I recently made plans to watch a playoff game with a friend. She asked me if another friend of hers could join us and I said of course. I planned to pick her up at 5:30. At 5:15, I texted her to say I was running 15 minutes late. She texted back and said cool, and to meet her at the bar because her friend who was joining us was already there.
I walked into the bar and the two of them were sitting at a table. My friend introduced us since we had never met. Much to my surprise, her friend yelled at us for being late. Instead of a gracious “Hi, great to meet you”, she immediately expressed her anger. I have to admit, I don’t like to be yelled at, but I managed to remain cool and polite. I proceeded to engage her in conversation the entire evening. This woman is smart, capable and very successful. What was going on for her to yell at us like she did?
There was a time in my life that I would have called her “high maintenance”. Instead, I wondered if she was anxious, stressed, or had a bad day. I didn’t ask her directly so I can only guess. What I do know is, she certainly wasn’t thinking good thoughts. It’s simple: if you think good thoughts, you will say good things.
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