by Amy Matthews | Feb 5, 2018 | Inspiration, Mindset |
I am single, never married and don’t have kids.There is no way at age 25 that I could have imagined my life as it is now.
I was living in San Francisco, in my first sales job, beginning to make money and prove myself to myself and the world. I always thought I’d “settle down”, get hitched, have babies and live in the ‘burbs. I recall saying to my sister that I was just playing a role until the next stage of my life.
Funny how life is.
At the time, I had a boyfriend. We dated for 2 years and broke up when I was 27. It was a mutual split, but difficult nonetheless, as most breakups are. After we parted, he wrote me a letter and said, “Amy, please love yourself more”. I sobbed when I read it. Whoa. He nailed it.
That break up put me on a growth trajectory. I’m one of the “phoenix always rises” types. I changed jobs and moved to a new company. I built a new vertical market and became highly visible within said company. I worked my ass off, traveled non-fucking-stop, rose up the ranks and generally, let the job consume my every waking hour. Don’t get me wrong, it was a career highlight and the opportunity of a lifetime. I have many hilarious memories and enduring friendships from that period in my life.
And then, a gregarious, handsome, full-of-life Italian, who grew up in Florence, asked me out. The morning after our first date, when I walked into the office, my friend asked point-blank: “Did you sleep with him?” I said, “No, but I’m going to be with him for a long time.”
We were together almost 7 years.
He opened my heart and we loved each other deeply.
6 years into the relationship, a friend told me he was going to propose on our upcoming trip to Italy. After planning the trip and arriving in Tuscany during peak season, my guy, the Italian, forgot the itinerary. This was before the internet, so he had no record of our reservations. We were in San Gimignano, charming and very crowded — with no place to sleep.
Are
you
fucking
kidding me?
I get that he could have been nervous. Or preoccupied. When our plans went awry – or better said, when we no longer had any, perhaps we both saw it as a sign from the universe. We weren’t meant to be. We did make the best of the trip, creating a new adventure which I took in my hands to arrange. Truth be told, I always had a nagging feeling I couldn’t depend on him. So at this point, our relationship started to unravel. I felt there were too many cultural and lifestyle differences to build a long term life together.
A few months after we broke up, he came over to ask me if I wanted to have a baby with him. I said no. Believe me, I had no clue that was my chance! I could have had a baby on my own, of course, but I ultimately decided against that too. Looking back, my life could have expanded in so many different ways if I had said YES to a child. Lesson noted.
Although, things do happen for a reason. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
Since then, I’ve had several romantic relationships. I consider myself lucky in love. Each relationship has helped me grow into who I am. I’ve been on my path – a path of self discovery, empowerment, inspiration, learning and connection. I’ve created my life, every single inch of it.
All the choices I’ve made and everything I’ve done have led me to where I am now. I am comfortable in my own skin. I love myself. I love what I do. I love my life. I count my lucky stars everyday.
Also, you may know, I am a proud mama to the most adorable, 10 week old mini Goldendoodle! And, yes – I am ready to meet my guy.
You just gotta believe and have faith.
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by Amy Matthews | Jan 30, 2018 | Inspiration, Mindset |
Life is Right. I love this saying. It is so spot on. It’s easy to reject what’s happening in our lives if it’s not something we like. We question why it’s happening and deny that it is. It’s natural to push away what we don’t like, but often our reaction causes us more pain than what happened in the first place.
What if you had radical acceptance of what is? It can be as simple as accepting a trait of a loved one that drives you crazy, or the unkind words your boss said to you. Can you learn to say YES to whatever is happening in the moment? To all the yummy stuff and the not so yummy stuff.
All of us have experienced some of the not so yummy stuff: perhaps you had an early trauma, were let go from a job, or ended a committed relationship. Maybe you were betrayed, or are very ill, or lost a loved one or your life savings. No doubt, these situations are excruciatingly stressful, painful and life changing.
And yet, each time you are dealt a difficult experience, you also have a choice on how you move forward.
Going through a challenging time is an opportunity to feel the pain, grieve, and when you are ready, allow the situation to propel you forward on your life path. At first, spending time under the covers may be a good idea, but at some point, you need to get up, dust yourself off and start creating the new. All you can do is learn from the situation and most importantly, be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
Once you truly accept what is, you will wake up one day and know you’re on the other side. Life circumstances and the choices you make will get you to the right place. You just need to trust and wholeheartedly believe it. Life sometimes brings us lemons and we can choose to make sweet, luscious, liquid nectar out of it. Life is ease-y, life is right.
If you’ve experienced a loss and are grieving, have you ever considered working with a coach? I may be the right one for you. Sign up for your free 20 minute coaching session HERE.
by Amy Matthews | Jan 23, 2018 | Inspiration |
I am now a proud mama of a 8 week old, mini goldendoodle! Within minutes of seeing her, I fell deeply in love. It’s been 1 week and my life has changed forever.
I wasn’t planning on getting a puppy. I wasn’t prepared. It wasn’t on my list of 2018 intentions. For years I wanted a dog but was looking to adopt since there are so many who need a loving home. But truth be told, my heart was set on a cute dog and I couldn’t find one at a shelter. Or maybe I didn’t look enough. So I got busy with life and building my business and put getting a dog on the back burner.
Here’s what happened next:
My sister called and said her friend had put a deposit down on a puppy for her mother and it no longer made sense. Her friend put me in touch with the breeder and I talked to her on Saturday. She told me the available puppy would most likely be a boy and I knew I wanted a girl. The next day, Sunday, was puppy pick up day. The breeder said she would call/text me by 12pm if there was an available girl.
I freaked a bit… if a girl puppy was available, was I going to go for it? I came up with many excuses why it wasn’t a good idea.
“I’m not ready for a puppy!” “It’s not a top priority!” “It’s too much work!” “I need to stay focused on my business!” “How can I do this with only 24 hour notice!” “I don’t even have a crate!“
After a short mental tantrum, at that very moment, I made a decision. If a girl became available, it was meant to be. Sometimes in life you need to say YES even when it’s inconvenient. Or unplanned. Or you’re not ready. The truth is when an opportunity presents itself to you, you can freak out and get anxious about the very thing you’ve wanted most.
The next day, I got the call and drove two hours to pick up my new little girl! Please meet Pie, my 4 legged bundle of joy.
Here’s a quote by Hugh Laurie that says it all:
“It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There’s almost no such thing as ready. There’s only now. And you may as well do it now. I mean, I say that confidently as if I’m about to go bungee jumping or something – I’m not. I’m not a crazed risk taker. But I do think that, generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”
Is there something you’ve always wanted but you’ve pushed away because you say you’re not ready or the timing isn’t right? I bet there is. Perhaps it’s looking for your dream job, or starting a new relationship, or possibly ending one, or launching your own business. Or maybe it’s volunteering for a cause you deeply care about or taking that art class you’ve talked about or adopting a 4 legged, love bug that changes your life forever. What is it for YOU?
Whatever it is, say YES to it. Proceed forward. The time is NOW.
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by Amy Matthews | Jan 14, 2018 | Inspiration |
I often walk a very steep set of stairs during my morning workout. It’s like a Zen practice for me. I go up and down about 10 times and the repetition gets my creative juices flowing.
I recently met a new friend on the steps. Her name is Lorna and she’s 84 years old. Yep, no kidding. Every day, Lorna walks up these stairs, as she finishes her morning walk. She has a perky, sparkly personality, a beautiful smile and luminous skin. She even takes the time to put on lipstick before she leaves the house! (I for sure, don’t). The first time we met, I told her she was amazing and she said that I was. Now each time we see each other, we say to each other: YOU’RE AMAZING! See pictures of Lorna below.
Lorna has osteoporosis and aches but she’s committed to walking everyday because she’s promised her children that she’ll live to be 100. I say, that’s AMAZING. It’s also inspiring, awesome, determined, and disciplined. She is so committed to both herself and her loved ones. Rock On.
When I saw Lorna, the other morning, I gave her a High 5 and pronounced, WE BOTH ARE AMAZING! Then we hugged each other. That simple gesture made my day and I’m sure hers. My heart was full of pure joy.
As women, no matter what age, we all crave and want each other’s support and connection. We need to encourage, acknowledge and inspire one another – everyday. So we can lift each other up, so we can feel good, so we can be better, so we can all rise – together.
What are you committed to – right now? My hope is that you truly commit to yourself and to whom or what matters to you.
******
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by Amy Matthews | Jan 8, 2018 | Mindset |
Making decisions in life can feel like one big sorting process. I liken it to cleaning out your closet. When you go through your wardrobe to decide what to keep and what to toss, you will inevitably end up having a YES pile, a NO pile, and of course, the MAYBE pile. It’s amazing how much time you can waste deliberating over the maybes! When you can’t decide on what to do about a particular item, you often decide to keep it. At least that’s what I used to do.
I recently had this revelation – there are no Maybes. If we want and choose to, we can make decision-making very simple: it’s either YES or NO. I recently heard this saying from a friend: “If there is doubt, there is no doubt.” Translated, that means NO.
In work, relationships or any other aspect of life, you have to be 100% committed to what you’re creating to make it a success. If you have doubt or find yourself ambivalent about a person or situation, ask yourself: “why am I not all in?”
If it’s not a YES after you’ve put time and energy into making it one and you’re still deliberating, it’s time to cut your losses, put it in the NO pile, and move on. Trust yourself. Have faith there’s a better situation or someone out there just waiting for you.
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