by Amy Matthews | Sep 4, 2018 | Inspiration |
Are you scared to say how you feel and what you really want?
As women, we’re accustomed to not asking for what we want. Some of us are even uncomfortable knowing what we want. As if there’s something aggressive about being clear and then asking for it. The truth is, we admire this quality in men but not in women. A double standard, for sure.
Here’s a conversation I had with a client last week:
She’s been divorced for 5 years and a man she dated before she married reached out to her on Facebook. He had just lost his wife to cancer. When they met, it was like old times. They get together periodically and talk on the phone for hours.
She was confused. She didn’t know where he stood. She was having a hard time focusing because she was obsessing over this relationship. She said she would wait to see what happens. Then she opened up to me:
He is the love of my life.
When I heard that, I said:
Why wait. Tell him how you feel. That you enjoy spending time together. How he has always held a special place in your heart. That he is the love of your life! That in the future when he’s ready, you’d like to date him.
My client told him how she feels. He said he wasn’t ready yet and they agreed to be good friends – for now. The result? My client feels better. She feels empowered. She feels free. She’s now super focused on doing things to better herself and her life.
Is there something getting in the way of asking for what you want?
Why wait. Get clear and take deliberate action – today.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 28, 2018 | Business |
There’s an epidemic of over functioning among women. It’s as if it’s expected of us because overdoing is respected in our culture.
So we do more. We push ahead. We stack more on our plates. We multi task. We overdo for others. We manage and control situations and people around us. We make sure the outcome is exactly how we want it to be.
Without realizing it, our self worth becomes wrapped up in overdoing. We make it our identity. We take pride in how much we get done. If we’re not constantly busy, doing more at work or for others, we feel bad about ourselves. We even feel guilty.
Over functioning always leads to exhaustion and burnout. It’s just a matter of time.
Here’s the thing:
You are not what you accomplish.
You are loved for who you are, not what you do.
You are enough.
Unless we learn to love and accept ourselves for who we really are, our authentic qualities that make us unique, how can we expect others to give us the love and
respect we so want and deserve?
Respect Yourself. You are AMAZING - exactly as you are.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 20, 2018 | Mindset |
Women and men can be so hard on themselves. We can be our own worst enemies. If this sounds like you or a person you know, read on!
Early in life, we learn there is “a right way to be, look and act” and “a wrong way to be, look and act”. Because our need for approval, love and acceptance is strong, we absorb these potent messages from society and our families. Without realizing it, we conform. We try to “do it right“. We try to fit in to avoid rejection, criticism and even abandonment. Makes sense to me.
But here’s the deal:
When we fall short or don’t match up to the “perfect ideals” that are placed upon us, we judge ourselves. We criticize ourselves. We doubt our actions. We feel less than. We eventually adopt the belief that “we’re not good enough.”
We all have a “not enough” story. Not smart enough, beautiful enough, powerful enough, thin enough, articulate enough – the list goes on. Whatever it is for you, at some point, you gotta ask:
Is my “not enough” belief true?
Bet not. Empower yourself and create a new story.
Do I want to be other than who I really am?
Nope. Being anyone other than YOU doesn’t feel good.
Do I want to think less of me than others do?
No. Belittling yourself keeps you small. It keeps you in comparison mode.
The truth is, trying to be perfect is a waste of your precious energy because there is no such thing as perfection! Cut yourself some slack. Love yourself up, just the way you are. Become besties with your perfectly, imperfect self.
In a world where you can be anything, be kind. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.
Be kind to the world in which you live.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 14, 2018 | Mindset |
Disappointment is real. It happens to all of us. Anytime you put time and energy into something you’re invested in and the outcome isn’t what you wanted, disappointment can rear its ugly head.
It can be life changing. You lose your job. Your 20 year marriage splits. You lose your life’s savings. You’re betrayed by someone you love. And there are the smaller, everyday disappointments. A friend lets you down. A work project goes awry. Plans are canceled. The new restaurant that everyone says is amazing, isn’t.
Here’s the thing: big or small, if you let a disappointment fester, it can paralyze you. I’ve seen this with some coaching clients. If it’s a biggie, at first, spending time under the covers may be a good idea and exactly what you need. But it doesn’t have to take years to get over. At some point, you need to bounce back. You gotta get up, dust yourself off and start creating what’s next.
Here are a few tips I’ve learned to move through disappointment:
1. Acknowledge it and feel your feelings! Don’t try to push your feelings away or rationalize them. Let them out, let it rip. Once you do, you’ll gain perspective.
2. Don’t dwell on the past. The sooner you accept what happened, the sooner you can open yourself up to new possibilities.
3. Learn from what happened and most importantly, be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
4. Let go of unrealistic expectations, they only get in the way of your happiness. Try to not get attached to a certain outcome – that’s what will trip you up.
It’s not about what happens, it’s about how you handle it.
You have a choice, it’s up to you.
by Amy Matthews | Aug 6, 2018 | Inspiration |
Even when women are super accomplished, they can doubt themselves.
We can feel stress over an important upcoming presentation, anxiety before an audition or anytime we embark on something we haven’t done before.
I see this with my coaching clients. I see this with myself. It happens to the best of us.
Deep down, we doubt our abilities. We lack confidence. We don’t trust we can do it.
Most men exude confidence. A man raises his hand for the promotion, even when he’s not qualified. A woman raises her hand if she’s encouraged to do so or if she is overqualified.
I think it has to do with our beliefs. Here’s a personal story:
I’ve been doing a ton of new things as I build Woman UnRuled. FB Lives, online programs, videos, webinars, speaking engagements, becoming a gender parity expert and trainer…the list goes on. I was feeling overwhelmed. Then I had a major breakthrough.
I realized, I was running a childhood tape in my head: What if I can’t?
Whoa! So I turned off my self defeating tape. And I turned on these mantras:
I Got This!
I Am Certain I Can Do It!
I Always Get What I Want!
Yes I Can!
We sometimes need to act confident before we are. We need to believe we can do it before we do it. In other words, we need to fake it ‘til we feel it.
Do you have a tape you’re running that’s holding you back? First, get in touch with it. Then replace it with positive affirmations that lift you up.
Whatever your current situation — whether you’re in a new role at work, a new mother, starting a business, recovering from an illness or just trying to keep up with the demands of everyday life, wholeheartedly believe you can do anything.
Yes. Anything. Yes You Can.
