by Amy Matthews | May 25, 2019 | In-Power |
Fathers have a huge influence on us.
They love us unconditionally, they protect us, they make us feel safe. They support us, they give us advice, they shape us. They root for us, they are our ultimate cheerleader. We seek their approval above all else so we strive and overdo to exceed their expectations of us.
Heaven forbid, we let them down.
I see this with my clients and other women I know. I used to want the approval of my dad and other male authority figures in my life so I get it. The problem is when we prioritize their advice and point of view over our own.
When I was killing it as an executive in Silicon Valley, I was getting ready to go on sabbatical. The company I worked for gave us a 4 week sabbatical every 4 years. I hadn’t taken vacation for some time so I was adding 2 weeks accrued vacation. I was going away for 6 weeks – no email, no worries, all fun! I was beyond ecstatic.
I had planned a trip to Italy, with my new Italian boyfriend.
A needed break and a trip I so deserved.
I told my dad I was leaving work for 6 weeks. He said, if you’re gone for that long, won’t the company forget about you?? Will you still have a job when you get back??
Whoa. Bubble bursting comment. Even though I knew he was from a different era where sabbaticals didn’t exist, I let his comment affect me.
We need to listen deeply to ourselves and determine what is right and what is wrong for us. We get to decide what is true and what isn’t. We get to decide which voices or people we listen to. We get to decide how much we let others influence our thoughts, feelings and actions.
Stand in your power. Be the authority of your own life.
by Amy Matthews | May 21, 2019 | Mindset |
Everyone I talk to lately has lots of moving parts in their lives. Here are a few things my clients, friends and family are dealing with: growing a start-up, seeking a coveted position, managing the ups and downs of a relationship, kids and their issues, dealing with the ex, building a new home, selling another. As women we pride ourselves on being able to multitask and get shit done. We have it all together. We are on it. We are super women on steroids.
But when life is happening faster than we want it to, we can feel out of control. Most of us are used to managing every detail of our life and want to know exactly how it’s going to end up. When we don’t know, it’s unsettling, exhausting, stressful and even scary.
If you feel you’re in the midst of a hurricane, you have two choices. You can either keep pushing the boulder up the hill and over effort OR surrender and let go. Trust you’re in the right place and that things will work out. Know it’s okay to not have all the answers. To not know exactly what your future will be like. Don’t fight the current, step into the flow.
Here are a few things to do to get yourself back to center. Get quiet and meditate, even if it’s for 10 minutes. Create a mantra “my life is unfolding exactly the way it’s supposed to” or whatever feels right to you. Take a yoga class – yin or restorative or yoga nidra – all are grounding and get you in touch with how you’re feeling. Practice gratitude – every single day.
One minute you may feel you’re in a torrential downpour, the next it’s clear blue skies.
by Amy Matthews | May 14, 2019 | Inspiration |
I used to feel I was too much. Others told me so and I listened. Through the years, I’ve been called:
Too intense
Too sensitive
Too direct
Too trusting
Too loyal
Too assertive
Too independent
Too honest
Too caring
Too ambitious
That’s a lot of TOOS! I didn’t start out ambitious, it was my passion that fueled me. I was working in Silicon Valley, on the forefront of technology that was transforming the world. I was a leader championing a cause, a new industry that I truly believed in. I was making a difference.
We all know how it feels when we’re told we’re too much. The message we hear is we’re inadequate. It makes us feel small, disconnected, icky. Our response is to tone ourselves down so we fit in.
The irony is that feeling “too much” stems from feeling “not enough”.
We need to listen deeply to our intuition and recognize our own unique gifts and talents.
We need to tear down our beliefs and thoughts that don’t empower us, that make us feelless than or too much. We need to fall in love with our perfectly imperfect selves and become our own authority.
As goldilocks says, “it’s not too hot, not too cold, it’s just right”.
You’re not too hot, not too cold. You are just right.
You’ll always be just the right amount for people you resonate with. Who inspire you, who you respect and respect you, who move you. You’ll always be just the right amount for people who want to experience life as fully as you.
Find your peeps. Own your brilliance. Shine on.
by Amy Matthews | May 7, 2019 | Mindset |
The topic of feeling guilty came up in conversation with a client last week. She’s a high performing executive, super successful and an amazing mother, daughter, spouse and friend.
We’ve all felt guilty at some point in our lives. I used to say if you were Catholic, Jewish or lived in the Midwest you were prone to guilt! I grew up in Wisconsin and Michigan so I can say that hands down. The good news is in my late 20s, I started questioning why I felt guilty. For the most part, I choose not to go there anymore.
More women feel guilty than men. It’s a fact. It’s not surprising since women are socialized to get along with others and take care of the people we love. We do this so well. It’s a good thing to be concerned about others. The problem is when we feel guilty for something we did or didn’t do, or something we thought we did or didn’t do or for not doing enough. That’s when it becomes crazy making.
If you hurt someone or committed a crime, you have my full permission to feel guilty! If you didn’t, and you’re feeling guilty about not doing enough, it’s time to break the habit. Why? Because it’s not fair to you.
Feeling guilty keeps us small. It keeps us not feeling good about ourselves. It keeps us from stepping into our true power.
If you often feel guilty, ask yourself these 3 questions to #breakfree:
Is it true I did something wrong?
Is it true I’m not doing enough?
Is it true this person feels neglected?
Appreciate yourself for who you are and all that you do. You deserve to feel good. Every single day. You are AMAZING.
Say buh-bye to guilt. Say hello to feeling super powerful and free.
by Amy Matthews | Apr 16, 2019 | Inspiration |
We all have mixed feelings at times. I certainly do, seriously – who doesn’t! You know what I mean, when it’s hard to choose or decide because your head tells you one thing and your heart says another.
Here are a few ways it plays out:
“I’d love to pursue my passion but I CAN’T. I need the security my job gives me, even though It sucks me dry.”
“I’m super attracted to this person and we have so much fun together. BUT I have a different picture, he/she isn’t “who I thought I’d be with”.
“I don’t want to go to the party – it will be boring. Yet I’m OBLIGATED because I said I would go. I need to do the “right” thing that’s who I am.”
Our analytical minds guide us in many ways but often its advice is geared to the “shoulds” in life – how it “should” look, how you “should” be, what you “should” do or look like. Shoulds drain our energy and are joy killers. They keep us stuck, in question mode, feeling ambivalent. They keep us from taking action towards what we want most.
To get your head and heart aligned, ask yourself these questions.
What thoughts, beliefs and feelings are in the way of doing what I really want?
What does my heart say?
Will I regret NOT doing this?
What’s the worst thing that can happen if I go for it?
Write down your answers. Confusion will naturally diffuse once you start writing.
Trust clarity will come. A NO can turn into a YES at any time.
