by Amy Matthews | Jun 19, 2018 | Mindset |
I was in Carmel Valley last weekend with a group of women. I love getting away, even if it’s only a short distance. I always get inspired and gain a new perspective by being in a different scene.
One of the many conversations we had was about how it’s difficult to ask for help. At first, I was puzzled. Men are the ones who can’t ask for help, right? It’s hard for women too. Perhaps it’s because many of us identify with the caregiver role and aren’t comfortable with others taking care of us. Or we don’t want to appear needy or better yet, feel vulnerable.
Our minds can convince us that we don’t need help. Our internal dialog can sound something like this:
I can do this on my own.
It’s no big deal, I’ll be fine.
I would hate to inconvenience anyone.
What if I ask for help and I’m rejected?
Sound familiar? Without realizing it, what you’re saying to yourself is:
I’m not important. I’m not a priority. I don’t value my own needs.
Asking for help is a sign of strength. It’s a sign of courage. It’s a sign of loving yourself. It’s a sign of knowing what you need. It’s a sign that you know you are worthy.
Every single person on the planet needs help at times. Your family, friends and loved ones are there for you. Give them a heads up in advance that you need their help. Pick the people in your life that you can count on – your front row – and let them be there for you.
Ask for what you want. Ask for what you need. Make the first move because you can’t expect others to read your mind. Reach out and ask for help.
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by Amy Matthews | Jun 12, 2018 | In-Power, Mindset |
So many of us live by the “shoulds” of life. You know what I’m talking about.
The mental dilemma goes something like this:
What “should” I do vs. what feels right to do?
What “should” I say rather than what would I like to say?
How “should” I show up vs. how do I want to show up?
Listening to the shoulds is disempowering because it makes you constantly doubt yourself. How many times have you asked, did I do or say the wrong thing?
Shoulds are about obligation and meeting other people’s expectations. Shoulds drain your energy and are joy killers! Most importantly, they keep you from getting to know your authentic self and your own preferences.
Instead of being and doing what you think you are supposed to be and do, or what others think you should be and do, claim who you really are and what you really want. Start taking action from the “what brings you joy” place rather than from the “I should” place.
It can be simple if you let it. Do what makes you feel good. Stop doing what doesn’t.
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by Amy Matthews | Jun 5, 2018 | Mindset |
Most of us were brought up to care too much about what others think of us and the actions we take. Before making a big decision, we consult everyone in our circle. The conversation goes something like this:
“What’s your opinion?” “What do you think I should do?” “What would you do?”
Without realizing it, we give away our power to the other person.
The truth is, as women, we weren’t taught to be the authority of our lives.
When you care too much what people think of you and your ideas, especially loved ones like parents, siblings, spouse, partner or close friends, you give more weight to what others think than what you actually think and feel is the right thing to do. Other people’s advice, if not similar to your own, can stop you from pursuing what your mind, heart and intuition is telling you. It’s disempowering. It can keep you stuck.
I see this with clients and friends often. It’s not easy to make decisions without asking others for their opinion. It takes courage. It can be scary. It’s easier to defer to others. Here’s the deal. Ultimately, the buck stops with you. To be the authority of your own life, you have to learn to cut through the noise of what others tell you so you can hear your own true voice inside.
Once you do, you’ll feel more confident in taking action that serves YOU.
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by Amy Matthews | May 29, 2018 | Inspiration |
When I was in executive search, a CEO client of mine told me his wife had breast cancer. After battling the disease for two years, she was pronounced cancer free. One year later, a sudden fluke happened.
His wife was fine one day, went into the hospital the next and passed away the following day.
When my client and I met, he told me this story: My wife loved brownies. When we would go to a coffee shop, she would say “look at those brownies! They look so good! My client responded, they do, why don’t you get one? She said, oh no…I can’t. Week after week, year after year, she never allowed herself to have what she really wanted.
My client then said to me, my wife was only 43 years old. If only she had eaten the brownie….she would have died a happier woman.”
Whoa. I got goose bumps all over my body. This story resonated and I asked myself:
How often do I stop myself from having and going for what I really want? Am I living the life I really want?
I couldn’t shake the feeling. I told the story to a husband of a friend, and he declared, “Eat the Brownie.com.” I loved it! That night, I went home and purchased the URL. From there, Eat the Brownie morphed into Woman UnRuled.
By telling you this story, my wish is that you become a Woman UnRuled who questions the rules and constructs you live by. I also hope to inspire you to go for what you truly want and take action towards what brings you more pleasure and freedom. This is what “Eating the Brownie” means. Eat the Brownie™ is a movement and a sisterhood of women who are breaking the rules and taking inspired action that brings them more freedom, determination and joy…everyday.
Life is Short.
You Gotta Give Yourself Permission to Live the Life You Really Want.
It’s Time.
by Amy Matthews | May 22, 2018 | Inspiration, Mindset |
We all have a story that has led us to where we are today.
Here’s one of mine. I’m going to take you back to 5th Grade.
My family had just moved from Wisconsin to Michigan the year before. We moved because my dad had been offered an executive position with a private company with the promise to be its CEO, when the Founder and CEO retired. 1 year in the position, the company was sold to a corporation who decided to bring in their own top executives. Which meant my dad was out of a job.
One day walking home from school, I declared to myself, “You can’t do that to my dad!” “I’m going to show you guys!”
I was 10 years old.
Fast forward, I was a senior in college at the University of Colorado. I was taking a women’s studies class and during the 1st semester, we watched gender biased films. I learned for the first time how the media portrayed women! This new perspective fueled me and I got angry. One day in the 2nd semester, of the class I had a startling realization. I had no reason to be mad. At that very moment, I decided “I was going to join them!” Of course, that meant men.
After graduation, I was inspired to work for a company that was taking on an industry Goliath, AT&T. I was hired by a senior woman manager, who was both a teacher and mentor to me. She showed me step by step, how to be a solution sales person. I took off.
In my first year of sales, I was ranked #1. A few years later, I moved to a technology company that had just gone public. I eventually rose to VP Sales level, where I led both US and International teams. Throughout my time at the company, most of my colleagues were male. They were amazing and so were the women I worked with. I’m grateful for the relationships we built and all the fun we had.
As I said earlier, I decided to join them!
Though I built a new vertical for the company and led teams to overachieve objectives 12 years in a row, looking back, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t comfortable with all the accolades I received. Or the visibility I had within the company. So what did I do? I pushed the attention down to my team. At some level, I felt inadequate and still doubted myself.
Instead of owning my power, I gave it away.
After my corporate gigs, I decided to go into executive search as I’m highly passionate about leadership and empowering people. I recruited senior leadership talent for technology companies.
I’ve interviewed hundreds of candidates through the years – both men and women. So many of the women I met didn’t completely embrace their power – much like I didn’t. CEOs and executives have told me many of their top performers are women. They only wish they could own their power and confidence like men do.
This is why I founded Woman UnRuled.
I work with progressive business women who want to more powerfully navigate their world and career. I help women break free from what’s holding them back so they can step fully into their authentic power with grace, ease and joy.
We All Have a Story.
What Had Led You to Where You Are Today?
I Want to Hear. Make Yours a Powerful One.
